The way a recipe should be written......

At the height of my frustration with life with 2 little ones, I would read a recipe and get so angry. Prep time: 30 minutes. Hah! Try 2 days. I was thinking, “There is no way I can get all that prepped in 30 minutes. Have these people never cooked with little ones in the house?”

Then, you read all the parenting articles that tell us to “never cook with little ones at our feet.” Really?! Do they make some sort of “don’t bother me while I’m making dinner” straight jacket for kids that I’ve never heard about? Because at my house there is no way, unless my husband is home watching the kids, I am going to get through dinner prep without one of them being at my feet at some point.

So, the other day I was making lasagna and thought it would be funny to write the recipe the way I think it should be written for moms with little ones at home….maybe even for moms with bigger kidsJ

6 lasagna noodles-get these cooking at beginning-make extra because somehow some of them turn out kind of funky

1.5 lb Italian Sausage (you can use hot or mild or a mixture…whatever you prefer)

Brown meat, drain fat-take one of the kids to the bathroom and wipe the other one’s nose. Wash hands. Replace the now BLACK meat with fresh meat….oops, it burned.

Add next 5 ingredients.

Be ready for the kids to help with the next step because when they see you getting out the measuring spoons and cups they are going to be on a chair begging to help. Which I don’t mind, but does add time to the prep.
2 or 3 cloves garlic, minced
1.5 Tbs whole basil, chopped
2 ¼ tsp salt
1.5 lbs canned tomatoes (stewed tomatoes or diced)
3-6 oz cans tomato paste

Let the older child take the paper off the cans. Wayne loves doing this. Give the little one a job because if you don’t he will be up on the chair trying to “help” which the older child will not appreciate and try to knock the smaller one off the chair. (Make a mental note to start saving for emergency room visits. We might be on a first name basis by the time they all graduateJ)

Simmer covered for 15 minutes, stirring often.

In between stirring, change a diaper, get someone a snack and referee fights over the only toy that they both want to play with at that exact time…..because there are no other interesting toys anywhere to be foundJ

While that is cooking, beat 3 eggs then add next 5 ingredients

Again, the need to help is high so this part will take a little longer.
4.5 cups ricotta or cream-style cottage cheese
¾ cup grated parmesan or Romano
3 Tbs parsley flakes
1.5 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper

1 lb package fresh mozzarella cheese, slice it thin

Little one is begging at your feet for food so you feed him mozzarella as you slice it. Hopefully you slice faster than he eats. The older child comes in upset thinking he has been gypped but then remembers that he doesn’t care for cheese. So, we must get him a different snack because seeing brother eating has also made him hungry.

Assemble the lasagna
This should be the easy part. Everything is cooked; it just needs to be assembled. However, the kids are done with you doing something that wasn’t their idea so they start to fall apart. Back to them washing their hands and helping put the noodles in and layering the cheese. The constant reminder to them: “Let’s not pick our nose while we do this.” (And any other saying about other parts of the body that we really don’t want them to touch while they are assembling our dinner.)

Layers from bottom:
½ noodles
½ cottage cheese filling
½ mozzarella slices
½ meat sauce
½ noodles
½ cottage cheese filling
½ mozzarella slices
½ meat sauce

Bake @ 375 degrees for 30 minutes
Be ready for them to totally resist dinner and have a total melt down. Maybe it will look better to them at lunch tomorrowJ Probably not, but we’ll try……