Thursday, May 31, 2012

Top 10 List for Moms for Lowered Expectations

As a little girl I did not dream about my wedding, as some girls do. I always thought about being a mom. I have always wanted to have a large family—4 or so kids. I thought it would be fun. When my first son was born it was fun, eventually. He just kind of went everywhere with me. When our second child came along, our firstborn just started the “terrific twos”. I was not having fun! I realized my expectations were way higher than reality. My husband joked that we needed to start a club called “Mom’s for Low Expectations”. It was kind of our little joke. Every time something would happen that either immediately made us laugh or made me want to cry, we said, “That’s one for Mom’s for Low Expectations!”  

We changed the name to “Mom’s for Lowered Expectations”. “Low” seemed a little too low. So, here is my top 10 list for Mom’s for Lowered Expectations. Maybe you can relate to some of these:

10.   I did not expect to say, “It’s just a little pee. It’s sterile. It’s not like its poop.”

9.       I never expected to cook like the Old Testament prophets……like a burnt offering to the    Lord!

Story: The 2-3 minutes of a recipe that are crucial is always when someone gets hurt or needs to use the restroom. By the time you get back to the stove, it is “black and serve”……again.

8.       I did not expect to dress based on what we are going to eat that day. Because we know 5 mins into any meal we will be wearing the food. It might as well match!

7.       I did not expect my toddler to resist eating dinner but then want to “rescue” the corn out of his poop. (My husband calls this “Wayne’s early recycling efforts!”)

Story: Wayne said, “Mom look! There’s corn. We have to get it!” I said, “Uh, no. We just eat it once.”

6.       I did not expect to be one of those wives who would call my husband at work crying. In fact, I thought those wives were so weak….until I did it. The phone calls would usually go something like this: Me, crying, “I’m having such a hard day, I barely got any breakfast, the house is trashed, they won’t quit crying and I haven’t even gotten a shower!” 15 minutes later, “It’s all good now. We’re fine, really. I got a little to eat and things have blown over. Yeah, I probably shouldn’t call you before noon.”

5.       I expected to have my children wash their hands after using the restroom. I didn’t realize I should have had them wash their tongues too.

Story: I would wipe Wayne after he would go poop. As he was bending over on the toilet he would make a silly sound. I just thought he was moving his head back and forth. One day he said, “Watch this!” I watched and saw my little one licking the front of the toilet. Yeah, I did not expect thatJ

4.       I thought my house would always look good. I used to sell books door-to-door in college. I remember going to homes where the mom stayed home with the kids. I remember this mom with two little boys and there were a pile of clothes waiting to be folded and they were watching TV. I thought, “What has she been doing all day!” Yeah, I ate my words on that one!

3.       The old saying is, “The calm before the storm”. But I have found that trying to get little ones out the door involves a storm before the calm. I thought they would be excited to go places and help everyone to get out the door. Hahahahaha! I so did not understand little ones!

2.       Recycling is important, but I never expected them to eat a post-it note and I find it in their diaper. No, I could not read it.

1.       Since this is a top 10 list for Mom’s for Lowered Expectations, I never expected to get around to actually having 10 on the list…….so there’s only 9!