I'm a Walmart Thief

Yes, I stole batteries at Walmart yesterday.

You might have a similar story. I was at the checkout line with both boys. Wayne spotted a piece of plastic from a bag and thought it would be funny to get down on the floor and blow on it. He proceeded to act like a dog and a frog, hopping around. With one eye on Bruce, still in the cart, I was trying to get Wayne's attention to get him back by us. He finally came back there. Meanwhile, the people in front of us got a good laugh:)

I got his attention back on our cart and helping me put things on the belt to pay. Well, because Wayne was helping Bruce decided that he needed to help. I had him in the seat of the cart. He was standing up handing me my Gas-X, something every pregnant woman needs. (Or should I say, "something everyone else hopes she is taking at least from time to time!") I took it and put it on the belt. He wanted to help more....so I put him in the back of the cart and told him to hand things to me and Wayne. Things were going somewhat smooth again.

After everything was loaded on the belt, the people in front of us were taking a while to pay. Not a big deal, I just knew the boys were not going to last much longer. Wayne was over playing with another cashier's bag holder turnaround thingy. I got him back over to our cart where he started to play with our cashier's bag holder turnaround thingy. Of course I tell him, "No, no. Let's not play on that. When she fills up the bags we can put them in the cart." So he helped me load the bags.

However, as I am putting bags in the cart I realize there are still items in the cart. I had left the cart back far enough for Bruce to pull things off the belt and back into the cart. Oops. So, I got all that stuff out and moved the cart farther down. (I thought I had gotten everything out:) But, Bruce did not want to part with the water we were purchasing. So, I had the cashier scan it so he could just hold it.

Well, seeing Bruce with the water made Wayne really thirsty. I told him we would drink some of the water after mommy paid. We would drink it on one of the benches at the front of the store. (I knew if we started to drink it right then it would be all over him and the floor.) He thought that meant, "Go to the bench right now." So, he goes over to the bench. I go retrieve him only to return to my cart with Bruce standing up again. (As I am writing this I realized that is probably why they have those little belts for that seat, DUH! I should probably use that next time!) Wayne is now frustrated and fading fast.

The cashier scans the few coupons I had and says she didn't see any batteries come through. I ran my fingers through my hair and said, "Well, they were in the cart. Maybe they fell out. If I stole them, I'll come back and pay for them." I pay for the items I didn't steal and we proceed to the bench to have some water. Poor Wayne still spilled it all over his shorts and I ended up opening one of the napkin packages we purchased to clean him and the floor.

We get to the van and as I am unloading things, with the boy's help-they are good little helpers, I find the stolen batteries. I thought, "There is no way I am going back in there today!" By the time we got home it was a 2 hour Walmart trip!

The batteries are sitting on our dryer and I will go back and pay for them. Maybe I'll do it next week while Wayne is at Preschool Camp and I'll just have one little monkey with me:)

The way a recipe should be written......

At the height of my frustration with life with 2 little ones, I would read a recipe and get so angry. Prep time: 30 minutes. Hah! Try 2 days. I was thinking, “There is no way I can get all that prepped in 30 minutes. Have these people never cooked with little ones in the house?”

Then, you read all the parenting articles that tell us to “never cook with little ones at our feet.” Really?! Do they make some sort of “don’t bother me while I’m making dinner” straight jacket for kids that I’ve never heard about? Because at my house there is no way, unless my husband is home watching the kids, I am going to get through dinner prep without one of them being at my feet at some point.

So, the other day I was making lasagna and thought it would be funny to write the recipe the way I think it should be written for moms with little ones at home….maybe even for moms with bigger kidsJ

6 lasagna noodles-get these cooking at beginning-make extra because somehow some of them turn out kind of funky

1.5 lb Italian Sausage (you can use hot or mild or a mixture…whatever you prefer)

Brown meat, drain fat-take one of the kids to the bathroom and wipe the other one’s nose. Wash hands. Replace the now BLACK meat with fresh meat….oops, it burned.

Add next 5 ingredients.

Be ready for the kids to help with the next step because when they see you getting out the measuring spoons and cups they are going to be on a chair begging to help. Which I don’t mind, but does add time to the prep.
2 or 3 cloves garlic, minced
1.5 Tbs whole basil, chopped
2 ¼ tsp salt
1.5 lbs canned tomatoes (stewed tomatoes or diced)
3-6 oz cans tomato paste

Let the older child take the paper off the cans. Wayne loves doing this. Give the little one a job because if you don’t he will be up on the chair trying to “help” which the older child will not appreciate and try to knock the smaller one off the chair. (Make a mental note to start saving for emergency room visits. We might be on a first name basis by the time they all graduateJ)

Simmer covered for 15 minutes, stirring often.

In between stirring, change a diaper, get someone a snack and referee fights over the only toy that they both want to play with at that exact time…..because there are no other interesting toys anywhere to be foundJ

While that is cooking, beat 3 eggs then add next 5 ingredients

Again, the need to help is high so this part will take a little longer.
4.5 cups ricotta or cream-style cottage cheese
¾ cup grated parmesan or Romano
3 Tbs parsley flakes
1.5 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper

1 lb package fresh mozzarella cheese, slice it thin

Little one is begging at your feet for food so you feed him mozzarella as you slice it. Hopefully you slice faster than he eats. The older child comes in upset thinking he has been gypped but then remembers that he doesn’t care for cheese. So, we must get him a different snack because seeing brother eating has also made him hungry.

Assemble the lasagna
This should be the easy part. Everything is cooked; it just needs to be assembled. However, the kids are done with you doing something that wasn’t their idea so they start to fall apart. Back to them washing their hands and helping put the noodles in and layering the cheese. The constant reminder to them: “Let’s not pick our nose while we do this.” (And any other saying about other parts of the body that we really don’t want them to touch while they are assembling our dinner.)

Layers from bottom:
½ noodles
½ cottage cheese filling
½ mozzarella slices
½ meat sauce
½ noodles
½ cottage cheese filling
½ mozzarella slices
½ meat sauce

Bake @ 375 degrees for 30 minutes
Be ready for them to totally resist dinner and have a total melt down. Maybe it will look better to them at lunch tomorrowJ Probably not, but we’ll try……